I Live in Fear of Dying

I've been covering the bad news for years. Sure, Ive covered my fair share of good news stories, but the bad news generally outweighs the good. It seems to attract people like a moth to a flame. If it bleeds it leads is how the old saying goes. Not much has changed over my 25 years covering local news.

I've seen so much over the years. So many lives lost to crime and criminals. Other deaths are called accidents, although usually we see a definite cause, not much of an accident at all. You've got your shootings, stabbings, fatal car accidents, pedestrian struck, hit by a train, jumped from a bridge and the list goes on and on.

This business of covering breaking news has most certainly left me jaded. I trust few strangers and tend to see the negative much more often than the positive.On the night shift they're selling drugs, robbing the weak, praying on the fear of others.You have quiet nights every now and then but in a huge city like Toronto, the action never really stops. It just ebbs and flows.

I don't mourn for those who live by the sword and die by the sword. I have to be honest and say I feel little for the drug dealers who die in late night robberies and ripoffs. I mourn for the innocent, the people that go shopping or to the movies and catch a bullet at the hand of a criminal. For the families that get in a car to drive home, taking time to fasten their seat belts and adjust the mirrors, only to be killed by some selfish bastard who drinks until he can't see straight, then gets behind the wheel of a car.

What do I fear? I fear getting caught up in someone else's crime spree. Whether a drug deal gone wrong, a gangbanger's chance meeting or a drunk driver missing a red light as I cruise around the city at night. These are the things that I roll around in my head, after all these years of covering bad news. I know the chances are slim. I know I probably have more chance of having a heart attack or some other health issue. I still fear getting caught up in the randomness of life. The out of control truck. The man who just happens to be in the wrong place at the right time.

I enjoy every day as much as I can. I cherish time with my family. I do what I can to stay safe. The rest is out of my hands.